I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
