YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
