It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize