Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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