He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
