its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
