Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
