two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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