I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
