3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
