just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
