i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
