Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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