im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
