You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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