I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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