Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
