You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
