I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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