Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
