Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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