i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
