Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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