It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
