:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
