it wasn't lemon gatorade
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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