so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
