Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
