the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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