Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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