He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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