i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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