like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
