So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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