it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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