I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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