i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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