11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
