I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize