You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
