the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i've created a new STD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
