I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
