Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my liver is dry heaving
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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