Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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