I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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