Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
