If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
