She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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