who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize