I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
