oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
