We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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