Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
