The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
