What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
