wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
