I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
