So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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