even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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