then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
