So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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