I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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