Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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