I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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