Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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