4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
