Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
