it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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