My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
