thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
