So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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