So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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