She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
