i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i love accidental penises.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
