Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
