I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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