he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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