If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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