I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
