if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
