So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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