God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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