Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I puked a lego.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
