Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize