It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize