there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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