There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize