im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
