there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
