We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize