I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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