I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
