So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
