i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
