It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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