I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
