I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
