I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
